How To Survive Valentine's Day During Deployment

Valentine's Day is approaching. Many of us love to celebrate it, while many loath the holiday. For those who have a husband deployed, you may choose to ignore it this year or even get very sad not being able to spend the day together. How is a girl supposed to deal with such a thing? Well, I've got a few ideas that may help you.

Make it a girl's night out (or in).

If you want to go out, rather than stay in by yourself, have a girl's night. You don't have to go to restaurants where there will be lovey dovey couples. You can go to low key places or even go bowling or play laser tag. It's better than sitting by yourself missing your husband.


Stay home and pretend the holiday doesn't exist. 

Some of us deal with being apart from our spouse by just staying home, and avoiding Valentine's Day all together. If this is you, I completely understand. Try watching a funny movie, or a TV series. Order take-out or cook dinner. When you wake up the next day, Valentine's Day will be over!

Have a Skype Date! 

If you're able to Skype with your husband on Valentine's Day, great! Try not to focus on the fact that you're apart. You could buy lingerie that you plan to wear when he's home and tell him about it or show him. Just be careful showing him, you don't want someone else to see.

Have a get together at your house.

Invite over people who are in the same situation as you. Have an Anti-Valentine's Day party. Just have fun. It will keep you from dwelling on the fact your husband is gone, and you won't spend the day alone.

25 Things Military Spouses Learn While Their Significant Other is Deployed

Every military spouse who has experienced deployment has learned a vast number of things. Here are what some spouses say were the biggest things they learned.

1. "I learned how to be patient. Obviously with deployment you have to wait for your husband to come home."
2. "While my husband was deployed, I learned not to take the little things for granted, like a five minute phone call. You never know when you'll be able to talk again."
3. "I learned that things that may seem minor while they're home, become big things during deployment. I can't remember how many times I got a short email or Facebook message that simply said I'm ok. I love you."
4. "You never realize how strong you are until you have no choice but to be."
5. "You learn that it's okay to cry. It doesn't mean you're weak, it means you're human."
6. "Murphy's Law will definitely take effect. Anything that can go wrong, will go wrong. But it's ok. You'll make it through it."
7. "I'm stronger than I ever thought I could be."
8. "I found my independent side that I forgot I had." 
9. "I found that to keep myself sane, I have to rely on God. He will bring you through it." 
10. "How to not only do the jobs a mother would do, but also the jobs a daddy would. I learned how to do yard work and do car repairs." 
11. "That the distance and stress of deployment can make or break you. You have to allow it to strengthen your relationship. Focus on the good, not the bad. Remember, they miss you as much as you miss them."
12. "I learned that in order for me to make it through the deployment, I needed to have a close knit group of friends and family. They helped me through so much."
13.  "The time may seem to be going by slowly, but before you know it you'll look back and think Man, it's been that long already?"
14. "I learned how much my family relies on my husband to do things. I've realized how blessed I am to have him in my life. I've learned how to appreciate the little things he does for us."
15. " I learned to be patient. Not only with waiting for my husband to come back, but with my friends and family. They try to understand, but they don't because they've never been through it." 
16. "The second he leaves, all hell breaks loose. But that's ok. I know I can handle it."
17. "It's ok to cry! It doesn't mean you're not strong. It means you care." 
18. "I've learned to draw near to God and focus on my relationship with Him. He will help you through it." 
19. "Take advantage of the time apart. Go back to school, start a new work out, run a marathon. Just set goals for yourself. It'll help the time pass more quickly."
20. "Homecoming is the most amazing day you'll ever experience."
21. "The first time I saw him after deployment, all the problems I had experienced went away."
22. "The day I saw his formation walk out onto the field after 10 months apart, I realized how lucky I am to have such an amazing man."
23. "The first kiss is the greatest feeling in the world."
24. "The hours leading up to homecoming are the most anxiety filled I experienced. But I couldn't have been happier."
25. "The first kiss and hug after 9 months apart made all the distance and lonely nights worth it. He was finally home to me."

What are some things you learned while your loved one was deployed?

Time To Prepare for D Day: Deployment Day

Deployment is just around the corner and there is so much to do to prepare for it. Whether it's your first or thirtieth deployment, it can all be overwhelming. It's very easy to forget some of the most important things. So I've compiled a list of what I feel are the most important things to do before your spouse deploys.

1.) Prepare important documents.

Be sure that you get your spouses Power Of Attorney (POA) and will updated. I know it may be difficult to think about something happening to your spouse, but it's very important that these are up to date. If something were to happen to you while your spouse was away, who would take care of your children and pets? Who else would you like to be able to pick up your children from school or take them to the doctor, in the event that you are unable to? POAs can be for specific things or a general POA. Be sure you have a POA that allows you to do things for your husband and that someone you TRUST has a POA to do things for you.

2.) Get a passport. 

It's super important that you have a valid passport. In the event that something happens to your spouse, chances are they will first be flown to an overseas hospital. So having a passport will allow you to join them.

3.) Discuss finances.

Deployment brings in extra, untaxed money. So it's important to discuss what will be done with the extra money. Will you use it to pay off debts? Or will it be saved up for a trip when your spouse gets back? Or maybe you'll use the extra money to  buy a new car? Be sure to discuss this with your spouse and come to an agreement, before he or she ever leaves.

4.) Get Red Cross information.

I, personally, feel this is the most important thing to do. You need to get your spouses Red Cross information. This is the information that is given to families of those deploying, that allows contact in case of an emergency. Most of the time, the military will NOT allow a your spouse to return home under any circumstance, without being contacted by Red Cross. Keep this someplace where you ALWAYS know where it is. I like to keep a copy on the fridge, in my purse, and on my phone. That way it's always around.

5.) Stay in the know.

Figure out who your spouses chain of command is and become familiar with the FRG. These are your two best sources of information. The FRG will keep you updated on what's going on throughout deployment and they will also give you the homecoming date, time and location.

6.) Build your support system. 

Deployment will have it's ups and downs. It's always hard to be away from your spouse, especially for an extended period of time. So it's important to build your support system. The FRG will give you a support system of others who are going through the same thing as you. Keep your family and friends close. Who else can make you smile and laugh when you feel like crying, better than those who have known you the longest?

7.) Keep everyone updated. 

Your spouses friends and family will want to know what;s going on during the deployment. They may ask what your spouse needs or what they can contribute to a care package. Be sure to keep them updated. But remember OPSEC! You don't want to endanger your spouse or those he or she is with by giving out exact locations and troop movements.

12 Things Not To Say To A Military Spouse

We've all been there. You're spouse is deployed and those around you just don't understand what this time entails. We've all had the stupidest things said to us. So I've compiled a list of 12 things that should NEVER be said to any military spouse.

12.) Now you can do whatever you want.

First of all, my husband doesn't keep me from doing anything I want to do. If there's something that he doesn't like me doing, there's probably a reason and I shouldn't do it when he's not here either.

11.) Quit whining, it's only 9 months. 

This absolutely grinds my gears. It's only nine months? When you go nine months without your husband, with limited communication and the fear he may not make it home, then we can talk.

10.) He'll be back before you know it. 

This has been said to me on the day my husband has left. Yeah... Nine months is before I know it... not. Even if you keep busy, it's still a long time to be apart.

9.) Where exactly is he?

I can't tell you that. It's called OPSEC. I'd rather my husband and those he's with, make it home safe and sound. Not hinder that in order to feed your curiosity.

8.) I totally understand how you feel. I hate when my husband leaves for the weekend. 

No. Just no. A weekend? That's 2-3 days apart that your husband will be staying in a safe hotel or house. My husband leaves for 9 months at a time, staying in a war zone. That's roughly 270 days apart. That's not even remotely close to the same thing. So you don't understand, so please don't say you do.

7.) At least he's making a ton of money!

First of all, yes he's making more money but it's not a ton of money. No amount of money could replace how I'd feel to have my husband at home, safe and sound.

6.) At least you can Skype! You'll be fine. 

I don't think people understand that the internet our troops have while deployed absolutely sucks. So most of the time you stare at a pixelated picture of your spouse. And Skype doesn't come close to actual physical contact.

5.) Aren't you afraid he'll cheat? 

No! Absolutely not! My marriage is built on trust. If you don't trust your spouse to be away from you, maybe you shouldn't be together.

4.) Is it hard to be faithful? I couldn't go without sex for that long.

If that's all you're thinking about, maybe your marriage relies on the wrong things. It's not difficult whatsoever. I love my husband way too much to do that to him.

3.) Don't you miss him? 

YES! Of course I do. What kind of question is that?

2.) Aren't you afraid he'll die?

This is probably the dumbest question I've ever been asked. That is the biggest fear of any military spouse. We don't need to reminded of it.

1.) I don't see how you do it. I never could.

And that's why you never will. It takes a strong person to do what I do. To stay faithful and unconditionally love someone who has to leave for months on end. But you will also never understand how rewarding it is and how strong my marriage is because of it.

Deployment Bucket List

While our spouses are deployed, we always want to make the time apart pass as quickly as possible.  I've learned that if you have a list of things to do, in mind, it'll help make the months pass more quickly. So here's a list of things that you can add to your deployment bucket list. 

1.) Take a road trip. 

Take a trip with some friends or family, not only will it keep you busy and keep your mind off the deployment, it'll be fun! 

2.) Train for a 5k, 10k, half or full marathon. 

This will give you a goal to work towards while your spouse is deployed. It'll be sure to keep you busy and you'll also get in shape! Imagine how accomplished you'll feel after you complete the run!

3.) Start a large craft project.

Is there a project that you've been wanting to do but just haven't gotten around to it? Well your spouse is deployed, so why not do it now? It'll keep you busy, it'll be fun and you finally get to do the project you haven't had time to do.

4.) Clean out the attic, garage or basement.

This will definitely be a time consumer, but that's good. You can finally clear out all the clutter that has taken over. Take time to get things organized and decide what to keep, donate and throw out. After all, cleaning has been proven to relieve stress. 

5.) Volunteer. 

Whether it be at the local soup kitchen, the VA hospital or Big Brothers, Big Sisters, volunteering will give you something to do on a regular basis. Not only will you be able to have fun, but you will also be able to help those who really need it. You may even stick to it after the deployment is over.  

6.) Read at least one book a month.

Maybe there's a series you've been wanting to start or even reread, well now's your chance :)

7.) Get more involved on base. 

Become more active in your FRG and more involved in the activities that take place on base. You'll be surprised how much fun you'll have and the friends you'll make. 

8.) Send at least one package a month. 

You'll have fun decorating each package. Your spouse will be so happy to receive the cute packages you've made him or her and will be especially appreciative of any food you may send.

9.) Learn to cook new foods. 

Find some recipes that you've never cooked before and try them out. You may find a lot of things you love, that you just haven't tried yet. Plus you can cook them for your spouse when he or she returns home. 

10.) Pay off debts.

While your spouse is deployed , there will be a slight increase in pay and it will be untaxed. This allows for a great opportunity to pay off some (or all) debts that have been accumulated. 

11.) Further your education.

Take some classes at the local community college. It'll help you work towards your degree and will also give you things to do to take up your time. 

12.) Save up money.

Now is a great time to save up money for a trip, a new car or maybe even a house. 

13.) Take yoga classes. 

You may end up loving it! Plus it'll help you get (or stay) in shape. 

I hope that you've enjoyed this list of ideas and that you are able to add them to your own bucket list. 

Carepackage Ideas

Here's a list of my favorite carepackages that you can send to someone deployed. They're fun and creative! Keep in mind when it's time for someone to return home from deployment, they can't bring a lot of items back.

1.) Life back home. 

This package is a great way to remind the deployed person back home. You can decorate the box with pictures of your kids doing daily activities like brushing their teeth, watching tv, getting ready for bed. You can include a plastic bag filled with lawn clippings (you'd be surprised how much they miss the smell of grass), one of your child's shirts, pressed flowers, dryer sheets to make their room smell fresh (I'd recommend putting the box in a ziplock bag, the smell can be overwhelming), a pillow case with your perfume on it (you CANNOT send bottles of perfume in the mail).

2.) Hang In There

In case you can't guess by the title, this is a monkey themed package! Decorate the box with monkeys and bananas. Include a monkey stuffed animal, banana chips, banana flavored candies, banana bread in a jar, monkeys in a barrel, a deck of monkey card, and any other monkey themed item you wish to include.

3.) Birthday Party! 

Is your deployed person's birthday coming up? Make a birthday themed package! Include confetti, confetti poppers, balloons that they can blow up, party hats, noise makers, cake in a jar, pictures, a birthday card, a disposable camera so they can take pictures of their "party," party favors, and a gift for them.

4.) Superhero

Make a superhero themed package. Include comics, superhero movies, little figurines, superhero cups and napkins, snacks, superhero coloring pages.

5.)  Disney 

This was my husband's favorite. Include Disney movies, Disney soundtrack CD's, Disney stickers, small Disney stuffed animals, Disney figurines, Disney fruit snacks, microwave popcorn, candy.

6.) Movie Night

You can decorate it with movie reels and ticket stubs. Include DVDs, microwave popcorn, candy (be careful with chocolate, it could melt. If you send it, put the chocolate in a plastic ziplock baggie.), drink mixes, snack crackers, fruit snacks, popcorn seasoning.

7.) Season Pass 

Send a baseball cap with his favorite team, recordings of the games he's missed, baseball cards, peanuts, a mini baseball bat, mini basketball and hoop set (the ones the hook on the door), chips, snack foods.

8.) Sand Storm Survival Kit

Include: eye drops, Q tips, lotion, chapstick, baby wipes, nasal spray, instant coffee, clean socks, lens cloths, clean sheets, dryer sheets, foot powder, foot soaks, large ziplock bags for foot soak, nail clippers, boot inserts

9.) Deployment Food Survival Kit

Napkins, plastic silverware, salt and pepper packets, ketchup and mustard packets, seasonings, BBQ sauce, ranch, small plastic bowls, mayo packets.

10.) Hygiene In A Box

Shampoo, conditioner, toothpaste, toothbrush, soap, deodorant, aftershave, toilet paper, shaving cream, razor refills, shower shoes, towels, wash cloth. Put the liquids in plastic bags in case they leak.

11.) Correspondence Box 

Envelopes, pens, paper, disposable camera, address book (filled out already), stickers, markers, colored pencils.

12.) Makes Me Feel Like A Kid Again

Coloring books, colored pencils, cards, small games, play dough, action figures, squirt guns, nerf guns and extra darts, little toys, silly putty.

13.) It's A Boy/Girl! 

Decorate it with pink/blue, gender reveal card, candy pacifiers, candy cigars, stuffed animal, baby wipes, sour patch kids, sugar babies, cheerios, pink/blue drink mix.

14.) Easter 

Fill it with candy, little Easter toys. When I sent this to my husband, I decorated it with Easter stickers and filled it with Easter grass. Fill plastic eggs with little gifts and hide them in the grass.

15.) Thanksgiving in a box

Decorate with fall colors and turkey. Fill with canned turkey, instant mashed potatoes, instant stuffing, canned corn, canned green beans, gravy in a jar, apple or pumpkin pie, cookies, microwave rice, Apple Cider mix, turkey jerky, homemade bread and candy corn. You can create a "why we're thankful for you" book. Include a video of everyone wishing him/her a happy Thanksgiving, your children's hand turkeys.

16.)  Christmas 

Christmas lights, Santa hat, stuffed reindeer, non glass cinnamon scented candles (they can't burn it but they can still enjoy the smell), fake snow, a small fake tree with little ornaments, small wrapped Christmas gifts, Christmas cards addressed to his or her family for him or her to write in, jingle bells, Christmas CD's, Christmas DVD's, Cookies, candy canes, hot cocoa or cider mix.

17.) Fourth Of July Package

Uncle Sam hat, small US flags, confetti poppers, USA shirt, glow sticks, Red, White, Blue Twizzlers, portable fan and batteries, patriotic card, video of fireworks, red, white, blue rice crispie treats, patriotic plastic necklaces, wet wipes, cracker jacks, patriotic trinkets.

18.) Valentine's Day Package

Sweetheart candies, heart shaped cookies, a stuffed animal, pictures of you both together, Valentine's cards from your children, Valentine's card from you, little heart containers filled with little candies, Valentine's trinket toys, cake in a jar, 52 reasons why I Love You, Jar of Hershey's Hugs and Kisses.

6 Things To Help You Survive Your Spouse's Deployment

1.) Keep yourself busy.

The more you do, the quicker the time apart will pass. So hang out with your friends, start a new hobby or maybe go to the gym. It'll help you stay busy. Plus, you can surprise your husband with the changes a routine work out can make!

2.) COMMUNICATION IS KEY.

I repeat COMMUNICATION IS KEY. This is a very cliche thing to be told, but it's true. While your spouse is deployed, be sure you remain honest with each other. Keep them up to date with the things that you have going on in your life, even if you had a terrible day. It helps them feel like they're still part of the life back home. A Sergeant First Class once told my husbands unit "A soldier doesn't age on deployment. They do the same thing everyday for 9 months. Nothing changes. But the world doesn't stop back home. Life goes on and is always changing." So be sure to keep that in mind. If you don't tell your spouse things that happen while they're away, they'll learn within the first month of returning home, which can make it very overwhelming. So tell him or her that you miss them and share with them about your day, week, or month.

3.) Send each other pictures. 

This simple gesture helps so much. You get to see each other throughout the months apart. One picture can make the distance seem a little less far and can bring a smile to your face, on the worst days.

4.) Don't hold in frustration or sadness. 

You've probably been told "don't bother him when your angry or sad. It'll distract him from what he's doing there." This isn't true. You need to tell him when your sad, when you feel like you just can't take it anymore. And when you're angry or frustrated. If you bottle it all up because you want to "protect him," you'll end up exploding. You could take it all out on him, causing more problems than it's worth. Or maybe even your friends and family. So talk to your significant other about what's bothering you. It'll help. I promise.

5.) Remember he misses you just as much as you miss him. 

This is a very important thing to remember. Sometimes the distance can take it's toll on you. It'll feel like you can't do it anymore. And sometimes, you feel like you're alone, that no one understands. That's not true. It's easy to forget that while you're apart, he misses you just as much as you miss him and that the deployment is just as hard on him, if not harder.

6.) Keep your chin up, it'll all be over soon. 

You may be reading this on the first day of deployment and thinking to yourself "I still have 9 months to go. That's not soon." But if you take a moment and think about it, it really isn't that long. You want to spend the rest of your life with him right? Well 9 months seems so small, compared to 50 years. So keep your head high. Remember you're strong and you WILL make it through this.

I hope these tips help you through this deployment, or any that you may face in the future. Just stay positive. Don't worry yourself with the "what if's" or you'll drive yourself nuts.