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Thursday, August 21, 2014

12 Things Not To Say To A Military Spouse

We've all been there. You're spouse is deployed and those around you just don't understand what this time entails. We've all had the stupidest things said to us. So I've compiled a list of 12 things that should NEVER be said to any military spouse.

12.) Now you can do whatever you want.

First of all, my husband doesn't keep me from doing anything I want to do. If there's something that he doesn't like me doing, there's probably a reason and I shouldn't do it when he's not here either.

11.) Quit whining, it's only 9 months. 

This absolutely grinds my gears. It's only nine months? When you go nine months without your husband, with limited communication and the fear he may not make it home, then we can talk.

10.) He'll be back before you know it. 

This has been said to me on the day my husband has left. Yeah... Nine months is before I know it... not. Even if you keep busy, it's still a long time to be apart.

9.) Where exactly is he?

I can't tell you that. It's called OPSEC. I'd rather my husband and those he's with, make it home safe and sound. Not hinder that in order to feed your curiosity.

8.) I totally understand how you feel. I hate when my husband leaves for the weekend. 

No. Just no. A weekend? That's 2-3 days apart that your husband will be staying in a safe hotel or house. My husband leaves for 9 months at a time, staying in a war zone. That's roughly 270 days apart. That's not even remotely close to the same thing. So you don't understand, so please don't say you do.

7.) At least he's making a ton of money!

First of all, yes he's making more money but it's not a ton of money. No amount of money could replace how I'd feel to have my husband at home, safe and sound.

6.) At least you can Skype! You'll be fine. 

I don't think people understand that the internet our troops have while deployed absolutely sucks. So most of the time you stare at a pixelated picture of your spouse. And Skype doesn't come close to actual physical contact.

5.) Aren't you afraid he'll cheat? 

No! Absolutely not! My marriage is built on trust. If you don't trust your spouse to be away from you, maybe you shouldn't be together.

4.) Is it hard to be faithful? I couldn't go without sex for that long.

If that's all you're thinking about, maybe your marriage relies on the wrong things. It's not difficult whatsoever. I love my husband way too much to do that to him.

3.) Don't you miss him? 

YES! Of course I do. What kind of question is that?

2.) Aren't you afraid he'll die?

This is probably the dumbest question I've ever been asked. That is the biggest fear of any military spouse. We don't need to reminded of it.

1.) I don't see how you do it. I never could.

And that's why you never will. It takes a strong person to do what I do. To stay faithful and unconditionally love someone who has to leave for months on end. But you will also never understand how rewarding it is and how strong my marriage is because of it.


  1. Something I've been told "Don't whine about how much you miss him. You knew he was probably going to get deployed when he signed up."
    What I was thinking:
    1. I wasn't whining, just stating the fact that I missed my husband 6 months into a deployment.
    2. Back up or I will punch you in the face.

    1. I had that said to me as well! It's so frustrating. Most people just don't understand and those who say things such as that, probably couldn't handle it themselves.

  2. Try both spouse being military and with kids now that's something.

  3. Love this. I always hate "well at least he's not in Iraq or Afghanistan".... well he's still in a hazard zone so...